Soul Searching

A new season has begun, and I don't mean summer. A new season in my life. June brought soul searching to my spirit.

Dreams do come true . . . my earliest dream was to be a secretary; God gave me that privilege . . . I dreamed of being a published author; God let several freelance works be published . . . I dreamed of writing a book; God fulfilled this dream . . . I dreamed of retiring; God allowed this opportunity . . . I dreamed of my book being published; God fulfilled this dream.

I've spent the last six months since my retirement experiencing the promotion of my book--a book signing, newspaper article, radio interview, and a table at a national event. Each one has been an experience I'm thankful for.

But that time is over. I want to move on. I've had a taste of being free to help others. I'm giving time to work in the church office as a backup for the secretary. I'm still creating a new post weekly on my blog.

The only unfulfilled dream I have is seeing a wild bear. Don't laugh. I'm serious. Twenty years ago, while in Colorado visiting a friend, I saw a wild bear while riding the tram up to Pikes Peak. It was very far away, and running in the opposite direction, so I really didn't have an opportunity to enjoy its presence. I long to see a bear in its natural environment, with camera in hand.

My mind has slowed down enough to say I don't need to be creating, producing, and doing just to feel accepted and worthy . . . there are more important things.

This is letting go of my own desires and helping others fulfill theirs. This is not pleasing myself all the time, but pleasing someone else. It's been a long time in coming.

God has now directed my thoughts to a different area. The other week it came to mind--I can be a wife. I can what? I can be a wife.

Of course, I've been a wife for 26 years . . . a wife and a hundred other things at the same time. Although my life has been relatively simple, I now do not have multitudes of things clamering for my time. June slowed me down to a new awareness of what is important in my life. And God directed my thoughts to being a wife. Helping Jerry (who is much older than me, of course), during this new season in my life.

I can also be a daughter. Yes, I've been a daughter for 63 years, but the need is obvious, now more than ever. Mom's health has been declining for six years now. Stubbingly independent, she thrives on not needing anyone. But, the time has come. In these later years of her life, turning 89 next month, she is beginning to be afraid. Our relationship has never been a loving one, so this will be a difficult season for me.

Yes, I believe God wants me to concentrate my time as a wife and daughter. This will be an interesting new direction.

The above snap was taken a few years ago and is one of my favorites. I'm still looking for my first fawn this year.